Its the time of life when I'm nearing its mid-term and i always thought I would be prepared for it, and always maintained I want to 'age gracefully'; well, it doesnt seem as simple. Every now and then I tend to keep reminding myself that I'm a mother of two-which is more than a huge responsibility and a home-maker which is a round-the-clock chore and not to forget-I'm a wife above all. Each day I find myself looking into the mirror searching for any wrinkles that could mark the beginning of the end of my youth!
Everytime my little girls throw a tantrum or whine or nag, I feel like I have the worst life on earth, I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming my guts out so God (and unwantingly all my neighbors too) could hear me loud and clear and know how much I just can't take it.
Everytime my maid doesn't make it to do the housework I feel like my world is going to end that very day since I now not only have to manage the kids and their nappies and the dishes and the floors and the clothes and the food and the bathing and any unwanted calls and unwanted visitors... but also the unprecedented that have to happen only on such days.
Everytime Ben leaves for work I feel like I've been deserted and lonely. Everytime he comes back from work, I feel-'one more to help in leaving stuff in unwanted places and make me repeat almost every sentence I say.'
All this while, I've been nagging at my husband, continuosly and unceasingly complaining to God and crying at my babies. But thankfully, of late, something has changed.
This sunday the pastor-Pastor Johnson spoke on worship, worshipping God in every situation, in thoughts and deeds, which is obviously easier said than done. That evening, we went out for a drive and happened to pick up a 'bubble blower'. I thought Celeste, my two-year old would love to blow some bubbles and nine month old Hannah would enjoy it too. Guess what? Celeste didn't know how to blow the bubbles and couldn't get the hang of it no matter how much we tried and cajoled me to blow them so both, she and her sister could play with the bubbles. I willingly obliged. And I'm so glad I did-it was so much fun. I remembered how much I loved this when I was a kid... it felt just the same. I was enjoying it so much that I didn't want to stop and was even more excited when the kids kept encouraging me to continue.
I realized it was up to me whether I wanted to continue counting how old I'd got or counting how blessed I've been, how blessed I am and how much more blessed I'm going to be.
Its still difficult to worship God when things are all going haywire, especially in my thoughts. But its easier to worship God when things are all going haywire, especially in my thoughts by simply leaning on Him and crying in His arms and finding comfort in Him alone. I hope to continue doing this and going through the next phase of my life with a new confidence and strength that will help me age grace-fully; because I know "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another" (John 1:16, The Holy Bible)
Everytime my little girls throw a tantrum or whine or nag, I feel like I have the worst life on earth, I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming my guts out so God (and unwantingly all my neighbors too) could hear me loud and clear and know how much I just can't take it.
Everytime my maid doesn't make it to do the housework I feel like my world is going to end that very day since I now not only have to manage the kids and their nappies and the dishes and the floors and the clothes and the food and the bathing and any unwanted calls and unwanted visitors... but also the unprecedented that have to happen only on such days.
Everytime Ben leaves for work I feel like I've been deserted and lonely. Everytime he comes back from work, I feel-'one more to help in leaving stuff in unwanted places and make me repeat almost every sentence I say.'
All this while, I've been nagging at my husband, continuosly and unceasingly complaining to God and crying at my babies. But thankfully, of late, something has changed.
This sunday the pastor-Pastor Johnson spoke on worship, worshipping God in every situation, in thoughts and deeds, which is obviously easier said than done. That evening, we went out for a drive and happened to pick up a 'bubble blower'. I thought Celeste, my two-year old would love to blow some bubbles and nine month old Hannah would enjoy it too. Guess what? Celeste didn't know how to blow the bubbles and couldn't get the hang of it no matter how much we tried and cajoled me to blow them so both, she and her sister could play with the bubbles. I willingly obliged. And I'm so glad I did-it was so much fun. I remembered how much I loved this when I was a kid... it felt just the same. I was enjoying it so much that I didn't want to stop and was even more excited when the kids kept encouraging me to continue.
I realized it was up to me whether I wanted to continue counting how old I'd got or counting how blessed I've been, how blessed I am and how much more blessed I'm going to be.
Its still difficult to worship God when things are all going haywire, especially in my thoughts. But its easier to worship God when things are all going haywire, especially in my thoughts by simply leaning on Him and crying in His arms and finding comfort in Him alone. I hope to continue doing this and going through the next phase of my life with a new confidence and strength that will help me age grace-fully; because I know "From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another" (John 1:16, The Holy Bible)
No comments:
Post a Comment